Warning: the following content contains spoilers!
When Tom and Diana's life drawing art classes at the local college are terminated and complaining yields no joy, they decide to instate their own at Bayview. Baines is to be the model, posing as Julius Caesar, bare beneath his toga for authenticity (or so Diana tells him). When an inspector calls at Bayview, Diana unties the knot holding the toga in place and leaving Baines publicly nude. As a result, he has to go to a clinic where Jane reports that he has had a breakdown.
The episode was rated 8.50 from 10 votes.
Diana rows with chief carer Jane for calling her a senior citizen and Tom does his best to ignore Marion and Geoffrey. Diana's niece Sarah has left her Porsche at the home so Diana drives Tom to Brighton in it. Harvey Baines reports it missing and the couple are stopped by the police but explain that Diana has her niece's permission to use it and Harvey is threatened with arrest for wasting police time.
The episode was rated 8.37 from 19 votes.
Whilst Baines is ecstatic about his new car Tom and Diana plan a little holiday and start a vacation fund. Unfortunately, Geoffrey decides to invest the money in the new intensive care wing that Baines is having built for Bayview. When Tom finds out he and Basil show how creative they can be when somebody conveniently leaves a bulldozer lying around and the holiday is on.
The episode was rated 8.27 from 11 votes.
Tom Ballard is put in Bayview retirement home by drunken daughter Marion and her weak husband Geoffrey. Many of the residents are very passive but not retired journalist Diana Trent, whose mission in life is to annoy 'the idiot Baines' - Harvey Baines, the home's manager. Initially she thinks Tom is rather dotty but when he tries to organize the residents into action against the home's poor food she knows she has found an ally.
The episode was rated 8.22 from 23 votes.
Living together is not the bed of roses that Tom and Diana were expecting. He criticizes her sloppiness and her funny little ways, such as feeding acorns to squirrels with a sling-shot. She decides to move out and goes to stay with Sarah to be a nanny to baby Diana but this is not her forte. Tom misses her, especially when Geoffrey decides to move in with him again.
The episode was rated 8.09 from 11 votes.
Tom is going to the christening of his nephew and wants Diana to accompany him but she is not keen because her arthritis is playing her up. Because she failed to declare it on her application form, Baines tries to get her evicted from the home. Tom doctors a 'naughty' photo of Baines to blackmail him into changing his mind but Diana uses her old press contacts to 'persuade' the committee to let her stay.
The episode was rated 8.00 from 18 votes.
Diana falls and breaks her hip whilst throwing a brick at the home's incompetent Portuguese gardener. She is taken to hospital where she rows with the Welsh doctor over a hip replacement operation and Sarah, about to marry Sam, comes to visit. Sarah knows that Diana dislikes Sam and wonders if she will try to stop the wedding..or even attend. In the end Diana turns up for her niece's big day, using a Zimmer frame. Marion, meanwhile, is not making a success of the beauty shop and Tom suggests Sam take back the franchise.
The episode was rated 8.00 from 11 votes.
Geoffrey is getting on Tom's nerves with his obsession with shelves, which he keeps putting up all over the unit and it's a blessing when he gets a call from Marion, asking him to get back with her. Tom is not the only resident missing Diana as she is seen as a source of advice, but Diana herself, a thoroughly incompetent nanny, is missing Bayview and, after ruining a fashion show goes 'home' to Tom.
The episode was rated 8.00 from 11 votes.
Tom really thinks that he won't have to wait for God much longer when he says he is dying and is rushed to hospital. He is discovered to have had a heart attack but he becomes very depressed and talks about suicide,writing 'die on Thursday' in his diary. In order to talk him out of what she believes to be his plan to end it all Diana threatens to join him.
The episode was rated 7.94 from 17 votes.
A promotional video is being made to extol the virtues of Bayview and several residents are to have speaking parts, including Basil, who sees himself as the new James Bond, Tom and Jenny. The excitement is such that few will heed Diana's view that it is just another money-making scam by the idiot Baines - except Tom, who joins her in sabotaging the project by substituting footage of Marion and Geoffrey giving a rather more realistic look at life.
The episode was rated 7.90 from 10 votes.
Resident Dave Cartwright has died and at the wake the drink flows freely amongst the inhabitants of Bayview. Tom and Diana certainly have knocked it back and next morning wake up in bed together. Jane is shocked but Tom suddenly becomes very popular with the ladies in the home's bowling team.The episode was rated from 12 votes.
Jane wants to become a nun so Baines sacks her and brings in stern German matron Greta Mueller, who is a tyrant and tells Sarah where Diana hid the Porsche. Tom cons Baines into making him the head of the Residents' Association and gets up a petition, which Baines thinks is to get rid of Diana, so he signs it. Actually it's to get rid of Greta, so he is forced to fire her and reinstate Jane.The episode was rated from 11 votes.
Resident Betty claims that her sewing basket has gone missing and Tom and Diana decide to investigate. Not fully believing Betty's story they follow her and Tom intervenes when they see her apparently shop-lifting. Tom is arrested and conducts his own court case, being found not guilty of theft, but guilty of contempt of court. Later, Diana recalls that she had the sewing basket all along, having borrowed it from Betty and forgetting she still had it.The episode was rated from 11 votes.
Tom is depressed because he is missing his late wife but Marion and Geoffrey are not keen to have him home on respite. He turns his attentions to Diana and suggests that they shack up together, a proposition that offends her so much that she has a partition built between their two rooms. Her mood is not helped by the arrival of new resident Daisy, who has a strong personality like herself and with whom she soon clashes, though Tom gets on well with her.The episode was rated from 12 votes.
Baines decides that if Diana and Tom are seen to be mentally incompetent it will give him power of attorney over them and end all his troubles, particularly as the home is in financial difficulties. So he refers them to psychiatrist Dr.Darrow, for whom they act out a well-rehearsed pantomine of odd behaviour, leading the doctor to conclude that they are not mad, just a touch eccentric, with unexpected help coming from Sarah.The episode was rated from 11 votes.
Tom 's belief that one should always tell the truth offends Jane, who has made herself look glamorous to appeal to Baines and Tom says she looks hideous. He also upsets Marion by telling her what he thinks of her, leading to a big row. Sarah introduces her boy-friend Sam, who is looking for investors for his proposed beauty salon franchise, but Diana and Tom suspect he is a con-man and Tom - to make his peace with Marion - 'persuades' Sam to let his daughter run her own beauty salon for free.The episode was rated from 10 votes.
Following the death,alone, of a resident, Tom puts himself forward as a counsellor to aid and comfort the terminally ill. A new female resident arrives and has afternoon delight with old Basil. Some time later Basil seems to be dying and Tom rushers to counsel him but he is merely suffering from exertion after sex with the lady. However, the lady dies and Tom organizes a splendid send-off for her.The episode was rated from 13 votes.
After she has been accused of selfishness, Diana goes to work as a volunteer at a charity for elderly people and takes up the cause of an old lady about to be evicted by unscrupulous estate agent Janet Follett. Diana learns that Ms. Follett is Baines' new girl-friend and she has plans for Bayview which will not go down well with the residents. With a little help from Tom and her media background Diana sets out to expose Ms. Follett.The episode was rated from 11 votes.
With upcoming by-elections Councillor Ferguson is courting the grey vote and comes to the home. At the same time Diana, once a photo-journalist, takes Tom up in a helicopter to take aerial shots of local houses to sell to their owners. Among her shots is one of Ferguson and the Swedish nanny being very naughty on the lawn. This comes in very handy at scuppering Ferguson's plan to support a Japanese spare parts factory being built next to Bayview.The episode was rated from 11 votes.
In order to cut costs Baines decides to employ illegal immigrant workers at Bayview. To Diana one incompetent foreigner, the gardener, is enough and, after the residents have staged a protest, order is restored. Tom has been overdoing physical exercise in his efforts to get as fit as Linford Christie and his collapse leads Diana to persuade him to slow down.The episode was rated from 11 votes.
Last updated: oct 09, 2020
Local PBS station running the 1992 one-hour Xmas special that features The Idiot Baines being held head down out the window by Diana and Tom, but, disappointingly, they don't drop him.
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